Thanks to Karen for sending this:
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator
door.
> > Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are
> > yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and
> > contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my
> > plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
> > food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in
> > the slightest.
> >
> > The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
> > racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object.
> > Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you
> > can run.
> >
> > I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am
> > very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
> > sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.
> > Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
> > sleep. It i s not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
> > other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I
> > also know that sticking tails straight out and having
> > tongues
hanging out on the other end to maximize space is
> > nothing but sarcasm.
> >
> > For the last time, there is no secret exit from the
> > bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage
> > to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine,
> > meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in
> > an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same
> > door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
> > years – canine/feline attendance is not required.
> >
> > The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go
> > smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress
> > this enough.
> >
> > Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the
> > following message on the front door:
> >
> > TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT
> > OUR PETS:
> >
> > (1) They live here. You don’t. (2) If you
> > don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> > furniture. That’s why they call it
> > ‘fur’-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than
> > I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To
> > me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy,
> > walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.
> >
> > Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
> > (1) eat less,
(2) don’t ask for money all the time, (3)
> > are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5)
> > never ask to drive the car, (6) don’t hang out with
> > drug-using people; (7) don’t smoke or drink, (8)
> > don’t want to wear your clothes, (9) don’t have to
> > buy the latest fashions, (10) don’t need a gazillion
> > dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can
> > sell their children ..
